Well, it has been almost a month since my last post. My aims of writing two posts a week has really gone down the drain. As usual I have been distracted - Irish lessons, Sailor Moon in Japanese, flooding and general laziness.
So to make up for the lack of communication on here, I'm posting an article which I had published today on samesame.com.au. Enjoy. Happy Valentine's Day <3
On Valentine's Day - What is love?
Valentine’s Day is upon us. Today’s the day to express our love for another.
Perhaps you have a long term partner with whom you want to celebrate many happy years together. Perhaps you’re in a new relationship and you want to celebrate the promise of years to come. Maybe there is someone who you’ve always wanted to express your feelings for, and the time has come to do so.
It annoys me that sometimes I hear people say that two men or two women can’t truly be in love. They are mistaken. Gay love can be as passionate, as deep and as varied as any other type of love.
To demonstrate this, I asked a few members of the GLBT community about love, romance and relationships.
Here’s what they had to say:
What is love?
I think it’s a feeling. It’s the feeling you get when you look at that special someone; the warmness in your heart and the butterflies you get in your stomach. A person – boy OR girl – who makes you smile and has the ability to make you feel all of these things.
April, 19 – NSW
I guess that it’s an overwhelming feeling of connection with another person. A feeling that out of the 7 billion people on this planet you have found the one person you’re meant to be with; who is perfect for you and you are perfect for them. This is a person that you would do ANYTHING for, even risking your life for theirs, just for the sake of putting a smile on their face. You want to spend every moment of every day for the rest of your life with this person. However I think the degree of love you feel for a person will differ every time you fall in love, I also think there are different ‘degrees’ of love. I’ve only been in love twice, and they were very different feelings.
Luke, 23 – QLD
Love – all-consuming love – is where another person consumes your thoughts and actions. An involuntary chemical alteration to the brain. And until people experience that, they don’t know or understand what love is. Until then, people think that love is either a silly romantic notion, or is about lust plus compatibility. Because I think real love is an involuntary brain thing; it will always be, through the annals of time and regardless of sexuality or gender. It’s something that has never and is never going to change.
Irene, 56 – VIC
What do you think draws two people together?
At first is seems to be a visual and instant physical attraction, then you soon work out how well you get on together and real romantic speaks start flying. It may not be about having things in common – opposites can attract.
Michael, 32 – NSW
To meet someone, apart from a set-up date, is purely random so timing and chance are major factors. Once they’ve met, I think it’s just about the little things that they have developed over time; their own nuances. Even silence can be intriguing to the right person. There has to be empathy or, at the very least, there has to be the ability to communicate on their exact level. Some are intrigued by those who appear smarter. Some are attracted to those who they feel they can teach. I believe attraction stems from the person’s unconscious belief that the person they are talking to can understand them better than anyone else around them.
Geoff, 22 – NSW
You never really know! You are just attracted to some people. Of course, with attraction there is lust and the emotional fascination. There are the feelings associated with it where butterflies could just burst out of your chest. A person’s personality that makes you feel fuzzy inside, and free. But you will never fully know why.
It’s unknown why you stay in a committed relationship, and when there’s that sudden urge to just maul someone who’s amazingly gorgeous it’s a personal decision as to whether they will be faithful or not. But at the same time, how is your partner’s love enough to sustain that self-control? It’s just an invisible rope that, if it’s strong enough, will hold your relationship together; will make you want to stay with that special someone forever. Who knows? You just have to find a medium where you are content with the person you are in love with, be that person male, female, or anywhere in-between.
Arty, 18 – NSW
What do you look for in a potential partner?
Some understanding of how the other works. Someone who just “gets you”. Ideally, they’d have to be honest, faithful, be a basically good person. I’d like them to have some goal in life, some kind direction of something they want to achieve (it doesn’t have to be materialistic). Somebody who can be open about themselves and their feelings, somebody who trusts me enough for them to tell me all the bad things.
Mitch, 23 – NSW
The fundamental thing I look for in a relationship is a best friend whom you’re in love with. What I want out of a relationship is to find this person and spend the rest of my life with them. So I guess I look for long term potential – the type of relationship where you will eventually marry and settle down together.
I like to be with someone with confidence and direction in their life and who is comfortable with their sexuality. Furthermore in a potential partner I look for someone who I can be myself around – nothing is more of a relationship killer that being with someone who expects you to change to fit their partner model – it always ends in unhappiness for both parties. This leads into communication – you must both be comfortable with communicating all your feelings with your partner, if you’re not comfortable with this and keep important things inside it will sour the relationship and cause distance between you both (I know this from experience). Trust, loyalty and fidelity must also be present.
Luke, 23 – QLD
The first thing I would look for would have to be a sense of humor; someone who can make me laugh and joke about things. But also, of course, someone who is caring; who wants to know more about me, always interested in the things that I do, and in learning more about me. Someone with a gentle nature – that’s what lures me in.
April, 19 – NSW
What is your idea of a romantic date?
My idea of romance isn’t exactly traditional. Romantic for me is a dinner out, followed by some sort of night out/event. Bowling perhaps. Romance to me is any situation which allows me to bond in a way separate from everyday activity. Bowling brings out my competitive side, and so it allows me to communicate with my partner differently. Being able to express that is important to me.
Geoff, 22 – NSW
In terms of a romantic date, I have two scenarios. First is being taken (or taking someone) out to dinner to a nice restaurant, somewhere where you wouldn’t normally go yourself. Booking beforehand is also nice, just shows a bit of serious attitude towards the whole thing. Sitting down and talking over a nice dinner and few glasses of wine and getting to know each other is always fun. Follow this with going to the movies to see something cheesy while you cuddle up with each other is always pretty romantic as well!
Another date I like is the simple picnic blanket by the beach – whether you prepare the meal or just grab takeout, it’s nice sitting there having a bite to eat while the sun goes down.
Luke, 23 – QLD
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