Death of a Lecturer; Episode 5

SCENE 5

EXT./INT. HOUSE IN THE MOUNTAINS

HARRIET and DAVID are standing outside a large house. It is an expensive looking house, with a large garden and a large car in a big driveway. Harriet and David are walking up the front steps to a double-door.

David: This can’t be her house. A teacher couldn’t afford this.

Harriet: This is her brother’s house. I have on good authority that the entire family is gathered here at this moment.

David: You have it on whose authority?

Harriet: Never you mind.

David: You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?

Harriet: (sharply) Just ring the doorbell.

(David rings the bell. The door is opened by an old man, REEVES, wearing a black suit and thick glasses).

Reeves: (formally) May I help you?

Harriet: Good morning sir. We’re journalists and…

(Reeves shuts the door in her face).

David: (sarcastically) Well, that was effective.

Harriet: Shut up.

David: I have an idea.

(He rings the doorbell. Reeves opens it again).

Reeves: (angrily) The family does not wish to see any journalists, so if you would be so kind…

David: (interrupting) What my friend meant was that we’re journalism students. Pupils of Ms Caine. We came to pay our respects.

Reeves: I see. (reluctantly) Well, enter, please. I am Reeves, the butler.

David: Butler?

Reeves: (acidly) Yes. Butler.

(They enter a large entrance hall)

Reeves (cont’d): If you would wait here, I will ask the Colonel if he will see you.

(He exits through a side door).

Harriet: Colonel?

David: (hysterically) Oh my God! This is like some horrible parody!

Harriet: Get a grip! At least we’re in now.

David: Thanks to my brilliant plan.

Harriet: Your brilliant plan? All you did was tell the truth!

David: It’s surprising how often people forget about that plan. It got us in didn’t it?

Harriet: True. I tip my cap to you, Watson.

David: But you’re not wearing a cap.

(Harriet is about to respond when Reeves re-enters).

Reeves: The Colonel will see you. If you will come this way.

(They enter through the side door. The come into a large room. There are three sofas in a semicircle around a large, glass coffee table. Seated on them are four people; the solicitor, MR GARETH, the brother THE COLONEL, the sister, MARY, and what appears to be an old, French maid, ADEL. There is a roaring fire at one end of the room, and a large window with heavy, drawn curtains at the other.)

Reeves: This is Miss…

Harriet: Johnson.

Reeves: Miss Johnson and Mr…

David: Watson.

(Harriet gives him a quizzical look, and he winks back.)

Reeves: And Mr Watson.

Colonel: Thank you Reeves.

(Reeves exits).

Colonel (cont’d): Now, what can I do for you young things?

Harriet: We’ve come to pay our respects. We are… or were rather, students of Jessica Caine.

Colonel: (kindly) Good eggs. Nasty business this, what?

Harriet: (to David) An authentic 1920’s English Colonel in 21^st Century Sydney. How… how…

David: Odd?

Colonel: (not appearing to hear them). I am Colonel John Caine, Jess’ brother.

Harriet: But I thought Caine was her married name?

Mary: It was. She married another Caine, no relation of ours of course. Her third husband. Or was it her second. Lord knows, she’s had quite a few of them! (laughs like a zebra). I’m Mary by the way. Jess’ sister. Mary Caine. Of course. (laughs again).

Colonel: (leans over to Harriet and David and whispers). Our Mary is a bit… you know… lacking upstairs, if you catch me.

Harriet: (to David). Relatives of yours are they?

David: (confused) Eh?

Colonel: Sweet girl she is though. Quite a few in our family like her. Take that lady there in the corner.

(He points to Adel).

Harriet: The maid?

Colonel: (laughing). She thinks she is. That’s our mother, Adel.

David: Why does she think she’s a maid?

Colonel: No one knows. Doctor thinks she may have had a stroke or something. One morning we got up and went down to the dinning room and there she was.

Harriet: Unconscious?

Colonel: Polishing the silver.

David: Why is she dressed as a French maid?

Colonel: Well, we thought as long as she was convinced she was a maid she might as well look the part.

(Mr Gareth stands up and walks to them. He is tall and intimidating).

Gareth: I’m Mr Gareth, Ms. Caine’s solicitor. I didn’t quite catch what it was you were doing here?

Harriet: We came to pay our respects.

Gareth: I see.

Mary: Very kind of you, I’m sure.

Harriet: We didn’t really know her outside uni. What was she like?

Mary: I’m not really sure. One doesn’t have the time to see family these days.

Harriet: Doesn’t one?

(Mary laughs, and Harriet and David cringe).

Colonel: She was really the black sheep of the family. Married a penniless actor when she was 19. We tried to stop her but she said it was true love.

Harriet: Oh, how romantic!

Colonel: The divorce came through ten weeks later.

David: He’s right, it was true love.

Harriet: You said I think Miss Caine that she had three husbands?

Colonel: Four actually. The second… let me see now, who was the second? (he calls out to Adel) Mother!

(She ignores him)

Colonel (cont’d): Mother!

(She ignores him again)

Colonel (cont’d): (sighing) Adel!

Adel: Oui monsieur?

David: Oh my God, she’s having another stroke!

Harriet: She’s speaking French you idiot.

Colonel: Adel, who was Jess’ second husband?

Adel: Que?

Colonel: (sighing and with a very bad French accent). Le deux husband de Jess.

David: Was that French?

Harriet: No.

Adel: Ah, mai oui. He was le millionaire, n’est pas?

Colonel: Of course! Her second husband was a millionaire.

Mary: That’s right! And she was welcomed back with open arms! (laughs).

Colonel: But then came her third husband. A poor musician he was.

David: And back out of the family I guess?

Mary: Of course.

Harriet: And the fourth?

Colonel: The late Mr Caine. He was a rather fine businessman. Very rich.

Harriet: And you welcomed her back into the family?

Colonel: Certainly. But then he died in very vulgar and suspicious circumstances.

Harriet: So she was back out?

Colonel: That’s right.

David: (to Harriet). This is just like the hokey pokey. I’m starting to get dizzy.

Harriet: (to the family). Can you think of anyone who would want to kill your sister?

Colonel: I can’t think of anyone.

Gareth: I can’t think of anyone.

Mary: I can’t think.

(Everyone else looks at her. She is staring into space).

Harriet: I see. Who was her beneficiary?

Mary: Her what?

Harriet: Her beneficiary.

Adel: Que?

Harriet: (wearily). Le beneficiary.

Adel: Ah, je comprende.

Colonel: I’m not sure. That’s a matter for Gareth. (yells) Gareth?!

Gareth: I’m right here Colonel.

Colonel: Good show.

Gareth: (to David and Harriet) I was about to read the will when you arrived.

Harriet: Oh. In that case…

David: (interrupting) We’ll stay.

Harriet: (hits him). This is obviously a private matter, so we’ll just…

Colonel: Nonsense. Make yourselves at home. It’s good having young people about to break up the sombre mood.

(Harriet looks to Mary, who has headphones in her ears and is bouncing up and down to music).

Colonel (cont’d): (snapping) Mary!

Mary: (takes the headphones out). Yes?

Colonel: Where did you get that? (Mary shrugs). Never mind. We’re about to hear the will.

Mary: Oh, how exciting!

(Harriet and David sit down on the sofa)

Harriet: (to David) Rather callous bunch aren’t they?

David: I had one of those?

Harriet: One of what?

David: A callous.

Harriet: I shouldn’t have asked.

Gareth: (stands up and reads the will). This is the last will and testament of Jessica Katherine Mary Sarah Rebecca Nathan Caine.

David: Should we ask?

Harriet: No.

Gareth: (glaring at them) Some silence if you don’t mind.

Harriet: Sorry.

David: (to himself) Nathan?

Gareth: (reading). I have gathered my fortune over the years, which now amounts to one million dollars, one penny, two paper clips and a large silver button.

(David opens his mouth to say something. Harriet pushes his jaw back up).

Gareth (cont’d): This is to be shared equally between my relations. To my brother, John, I leave… one penny. May it teach him that what goes around comes around.

Colonel: (angrily) Well really!

Gareth: (reading). To my sister Mary I leave my large silver button.

Mary: How splendid!

Gareth: (reading) They’re not real silver Mary. (looking up) She’s thought of everything hasn’t she? (reading) To my dear mother, Adel, if she is still kicking, I leave the two paper clips. She will probably not know what they are anyway.

Adel: Que?

Harriet: (to David) I told you she was vindictive.

David: That’s not sharing equally.

Gareth: (reading). My fortune of one million dollars will go to… (looks up). My son.

Colonel: What?

Mary: Her son?

Harriet: Doesn’t she have a son?

Colonel: None that we know of. I say, this is an absolute outrage! Of all the ungrateful…

Gareth: (coming over). Here is your penny Colonel. (holds out a coin).

Colonel: I’m so insulted I refuse to take a cent of her money!

(Takes the coin and pockets it quickly).

Gareth: (walking over to Mary) Here is your button Miss Caine.

Mary: Ooo, shiny! (takes the button from him).

Gareth: (to Adel). And your paper clips.

Adel: Que?

Gareth: (sighing) Le clips de paper.

Adel: (angrily) Que scandeleux!

(There is a lot of angry noises from the Colonel and Adel. Gareth, David and Harriet slip out quietly through the door).

Mary: (staring transfixed at the button) I like shiny!

Death of a Lecturer; Episode 4

SCENE 4

INT. UNI CAFÉ

The café is practically deserted. HARRIET and DAVID are sitting at a table. Harriet is drinking coffee and looking thoughtful. David is doodling on a serviette. There is a long pause.

David: Do you know what I think?

Harriet: What?

David: (hesitates) Nothing actually. I just don’t like long silences.

Harriet: (sighs). You know, thanks to you the entire student body is under suspicion.

David: Just trying to help.

Harriet: Well, stop helping before you get someone arrested. Like me.

David: Sorry.

Harriet: It’s ok. (pauses) I was wondering, how come you seem to be really… well, stupid, yet you pick up on clues really easily?

David: My grandmother was a policeman.

Harriet: Don’t you mean she was a policewoman?

David: No. The police force weren’t too keen on woman joining so she…

Harriet: (finishing) Pretended to be a man?

David: How did you know?

Harriet: Just a guess. Well, I suppose that’s better than pretending to be a goat.

David: She tried that first, but the police weren’t taking on livestock either.

Harriet: (leaning on her arm). You know, it’s worrying when you can say absolutely anything and I’m not the least bit surprised.

David: I must be growing on you.

Harriet: Like a fungus.

David: Well, I am a fun guy.

Harriet: (looks at him). What was that?

David: A joke.

Harriet: Please don’t.

David: Sorry.

(There is a long silence).

David (cont’d): Do you know what I think?

Harriet: (irritated). What?

David: We should find out who had a motive to kill Jessica Caine.

Harriet: I agree. What are the main motives for murder?

David: Money?

Harriet: She can’t have been very rich, she was a teacher. But still, someone might have inherited something of value from her.

David: Jealousy?

Harriet: Hmmm. I don’t see anyone being jealous of her.

David: Could she have been blackmailing someone?

Harriet: It’s possible. She was pretty vindictive. Maybe she had found out something about someone and was blackmailing them…

David: (finishing) And they got sick of it and stuck her with a knife?

Harriet: Exactly.

David: It couldn’t be a combination, could it?

Harriet: What?

David: She could have been blackmailing someone, and saved up a whole heap of money, so someone killed her to inherit it, and also she was killed by the person she was blackmailing.

Harriet: What, murdered twice you mean? I wouldn’t put it past her. Was there much blood when you found her?

David: I’m not sure, why?

Harriet: Well if she had, say, been poisoned first, or even strangled, and then she was stabbed, she wouldn’t have bled much.

David: Oh, I see. (thinks). She couldn’t have been stabbed and then poisoned could she?

Harriet: I think if someone had found her with a knife in her back they would have guessed she was already dead. Even you had enough sense for that.

David: So I did. So what’s the plan then, my dear Sherlock?

Harriet: Find out where she lived. See if she had any family. Interview them.

David: How do you propose we do that? Knock on the door and say ‘hi there, we’re suspected of murdering your relative. Did you do it?’

Harriet: I’d be a bit more tactful than that. (thinks) I know! We’re journalists, right?

David: No.

Harriet: No, this is hypothetical.

David: Hypo-what?

Harriet: Hypothetical.

(David looks blank)

Harriet: (cont’d): It’s imaginary.

David: I see.

Harriet: No you don’t.

David: No, I don’t.

Harriet: Put it this way. We go to the house…

David: Which house?

Harriet: (hesitates) We’ll work that out later. We go to the house, pretend we’re journalists, and ask a whole lot of questions. We’re bound to find out something useful.

David: Will that work?

Harriet: Only one way to find out.

Emily and the Beach Fairies

Once upon a time, in a far off kingdom known as Sydney’s North Shore, there lived a rich man and his wife. This happy couple had been blessed with three daughters, because daughters always come in threes in this sort of tale. The eldest was named Apple-May Rose, the middle was named Xena-Venus the 2^nd, and the third was named Emily – for DoCs had threatened to revoke the couple’s parenting licence on account of their inability to choose real names for their children.

One day the family decided to have a picnic on the beach. The sun burned brightly in the azure sky (azure being like blue, but far more expensive), and the sand was warm and inviting. So the man and his wife put on their fake tans, stretched out on the beach and were soon fast asleep.

With their parents snoring gently in the sun, the three daughters were free to do whatever they wanted. Spying an outcrop of rock not far from them the eldest, Apple-May, plucked up her courage and said;

“I bet I can climb all the way to the top of those rocks.”

So she clambered her way over the slippery, moss covered rocks until she reached the top.

The middle daughter, Xena-Venus the 2^nd, who was a jealous little girl and didn’t like to be shown up by her sister, said;

“Well, I bet I can climb to the top as well.”

So she too clambered her way over the slippery, moss covered rocks until she reach the top.

The youngest, Emily, who liked to do everything that her sisters did, said;

“Well, I bet…”

But before she could finish a wave came and took her into the sea, proving that fairy tales aren’t quite as predictable as you thought. The two older sisters, having climbed to the top of the rocks, were too far away to help Emily so they watched, weeping as their little sister disappeared into the sea. And they wept salty tears, and their hearts were rent in twain which my editor assures me is an actual expression.

But far from being drowned in the sea, Emily was carried by the current and the tide until she washed up on a remote beach some miles away. There she lay, cold and alone. And the all the fish in the sea saw the plight of the poor child, and they were greatly saddened, and there was much wailing and gnashing of fins.

Emily was sad. She could not swim back, despite the many ‘Daddy and me’ swimming lessons she had attended with the family’s chauffeur at the local pools. The beach was surrounded by tall cliffs which she could not climb, although her mother had taken her abseiling in the Andes for her second birthday. So she stayed on the beach all day, staring into the cold blue ocean which had stolen her from her family.

Night came and Emily looked for somewhere warm where she could sleep. She found a cave in the cliffs which was warm and dry, filled with soft seaweed and pink shells and trilobites (which have been extinct for thousands of years, but nobody has told them yet). Emily made a bed from the seaweed, curled up for warmth, and fell asleep.

She was awakened some hours later by a buzzing noise above her head. Raising her eyes upwards she saw that the roof of the cave was full of small, floating balls of light. They darted around like drunken mosquitoes. One drifted down towards her and landed on her nose. On closer inspection she saw that it was a tiny woman with delicate butterfly wings and a dress made of seaweed and moss.

“Who are you?” Emily asked.

“We are the Beach Fairies,” said the tiny, glowing woman.

“Beach fairies?” said Emily, who had only ever seen fairies in the paintings on her bedroom walls that her parents had commissioned Rolf Harris to create.

“That is correct,” said the fairy. “My name is Bondi. That tall one over there is Seven Mile. And here is my sister, Manly.”

A small, fat fairy with a three day growth and a cigar waved. It flapped its wings furiously to keep its enormous weight airborne.

“Each fairy here has its own beach,” Bondi continued, gesturing towards the glowing mass above her. “If there is a beach anywhere in the world, there is a fairy for it.”

“Why are you all here?” asked Emily.

“We need your help,” said Bondi. “The wicked sea witch has put a curse on our people, and only a human can break the spell. Can you help us?”

“Actually, I was hoping you could help me get home,” said Emily.

“Oh,” said Bondi. “Well. I suppose we can do that.”

“Sorry,” said Emily, “but sea witches really aren’t my thing.”

“What about driving away the dreaded Giant Squid that has plagued our lands for centuries?” Bondi asked.

“Sorry,” said Emily, “I’m allergic to molluscs.”

“How about saving my daughter who is going to be sacrificed to the Dolphin King?”

“Yeah, look I’m not that good a swimmer,” said Emily. “My chauffeur says I’m not very buoyant.”

“Oh,” said Bondi, looking sad. “Well. I guess we’ll just have to hope that another young girl washes up on this beach.”

“I just want to get back to my family,” said Emily, suddenly growing sad. “I miss them all. And we’re having dinner at Tetsuya’s tomorrow. Do you know how long you have to wait to make a reservation there? Please, can you help me get home?”

Bondi laughed and shook her head in a kindly fashion.

“Sweet, simple Emily,” she said. “Poor sweet, simple, self-centred Emily. You’ve had the power to go home all the time. Just tap your shoes together and say ‘there’s no place like home.”

“I’m not wearing shoes,” said the girl.

Bondi frowned.

“Oh. That makes things a bit more difficult.”

So she thought and she thought. And the other fairies thought and thought. And together they came up with an idea. Each of them fluttered down, thousands of them, and took a hold of Emily. With much effort they raised her off the ground and began to fly her out of the cave and across the beach.

“Oh thank you, Bondi!” Emily cried. “Thank you Beach Fairies! You’re taking me home!”

They flew her across the sand and out to sea, struggling to keep the child afloat.

 And then they dropped her into the sea where she was eaten by the Dolphin King. Manly spat into the water where Emily had sunk beneath the waves.

And the Dolphin King appeased, he set Bondi’s daughter free. And then fairies and dolphins became great friends, and the dolphins helped to defeat the Giant Squid and the Sea Witch.

And Emily’s father and mother and sisters ate at Tetsuya’s anyway, and found that the bill was a lot less than normal.

And they all lived happily ever after.

A Concise History of History Part 3

Chapter Three - Ancient Cultures: Rome
From the popular  website ‘Ancient Rome; Fact or Fiction?’, created by young historian of the year, J. S. Sampson.

For centuries the mysteries of Ancient Rome have fascinated and enthralled us. From the colosseum to… one of those other buildings, the evidence of the Romans and their work continue to endure and inspire us. But much of the history of this great civilisation is steeped in myth and legend. I have therefore devised this website as a way of collating information about the Roman Empire and sorting out the fact from the fiction.

The following are common queries that have been sent to me based on what subscribers to this site have read in literature and the media.

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Fiction: How was Rome founded? I have read a few things including that the founders, Romulus and Remus, were raised by a wolf.

Fact: Such notions are ridiculous. The city of Rome was founded by the heirs of Aeneas – a Trojan who was the son of the Love Goddess, Venus. He and his followers were stranded when the almighty God of Water, Neptune, shipwrecked them in a violent storm. The washed up on the shores of what is now Italy, and the womenfolk, with the interference of the Gods, burn their ships to ensure that they stayed on dry land. Thus the future of Rome was secure, but not before Aeneas went on a journey through the underworld which was guarded by a giant three-headed dog and haunted by the ghost of a woman he had scorned, where he met the spirit of his father who showed him a wondrous vision of the future of the Roman Empire.

The idea that two babies could be raised by a wolf is, on the other hand, absolutely absurd. What is this, the Jungle Book?

Fiction: I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. What should I do?

Fact: I’m a historian not a bloody agony aunt! You’ve got the wrong website.

Fiction: I have read that the Romans used to feed Christians to lions. Is that correct?

Fact: That is correct. The old pagans used to feed Christians to the lions in the Colosseum. After the rise of Christianity of course the tables turned and the Christians fed to pagans to the lions. The lions ate their former masters happily; food was scarce and the lions did not hold any spiritual or theological prejudices.

However, what the history books don’t always tell us is that for a brief period Christians and pagans lived together in harmony. This period was known as the Feast of a Thousand Lions and lasted two whole hours, which is a remarkably long time for two religions to live alongside each other in peace. During the feast 20 lions were consumed, until the rest broke free and went on a murderous rampage. Eventually the Romans decided to stop this barbaric practice and released all the lions back into their native lands, where they devoured and destroyed two small African nations.

Fiction: I heard that the Romans used to mummify their dead in a complicated and painful process. Is that true?

Fact: No. That was the Egyptians. Stop wasting my time.

Fiction: Did Nero really fiddle while Rome burned?

Fact: There is still some debate amongst historians as to whether this actually took place. We know that Rome did indeed burn during the reign of the Emperor Nero, and he was indeed indifferent to the plight of his people. However, there is some doubt about the story of him ‘fiddling’. For a start fiddles were unknown during ancient times. If we take ‘fiddle’ to refer to some sort of proto-violin type instrument, there is still the question of Nero’s musical prowess; whether he could actually play the instrument or whether he started that rumour to increase his popularity, much like Andre Rieu. Some anecdotal evidence, recorded by the great poet Calculus, suggests that rather than playing the fiddle the Emperor performed rather a complicated gavotte. All this of course is mere speculation.

Fiction: Why did the Roman Empire come to an end? Was it a meteor?

Fact: I’m not quite sure what you’ve been reading. I think you’re getting confused with dinosaurs. But we are not quite sure why such as an expansive empire suddenly collapsed. There are many reasons it could have influenced its downfall. The stubbornness of the Picts who kept the Romans out of much of the north of England. The invasion of the barbarians and their trained elephants. Disease. Political disintegration. Lead poisoning. Whatever the reason, the civilisation came to an end and the Romans are no longer among us.

Except for people who come from Rome.

I mean the city Rome. Not Ancient Rome.

Confusing isn’t it? No wonder the empire collapsed.

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Please feel free to email me further questions, as these are the only ones I have been asked so far. You can find my email address in the ‘Contact’ link below.

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Where have we gone wrong?

I have been thinking.

This in itself is not remarkable. I often think. Actually, my brain is so active I find it hard to stop thinking. But I have been thinking in particular about humanity.

I was watching the news last night. In China, a two year old girl was run down by a van. The van hit her twice, then sped off. 18 people walked past the girl as she laid bleeding and dying in the street. 18 people. And not one of them stopped to help her. By the time one Good Samaritan tried to help her, it was too late.

Apparently this often happens in China; somebody is in need but passers-by do not stop to help in case they are reprimanded for their actions. It comes, as the analyst on the news was saying, from a society which has put money first, which has driven citizens into fear of dreadful repercussions of seemingly kind and humanitarian acts, and which has undermined a traditional system of morality which was the basis for some of the most beautiful and inspiring philosophical movements in history.

It is easy, sitting here in Australia – the ‘lucky country’; a country renowned for mateship and community spirit – to condemn the Chinese and what their society has become. But really, how far away is the West from this kind of moral breakdown?

Look at the recent riots in England. As they spread across the country, citizens descended into a kind of mob mentality with every man for himself. One man, battered and bleeding, was helped up by a stranger who proceeded to rob him of his wallet. Look many years back to the Cronulla riots, where Anglo-Australians and Muslim-Australians descended into violence against each other for the mere reason that they possessed different belief systems.  Look at America. Really, just look at America. Look at its history of gun violence, where students have wandered into their schools and opened fire on their classmates.

This is not simply a vague hatred of difference; racism, class differences, homophobia, religious intolerance, xenophobia… This is descending into a complete indifference, or at worse hatred, of our fellow man. Humanity has been disintegrating for a while. But I feel now we are reaching the point of collapse.

Where have we gone wrong?

1.       Money.

Money is truly the root of all evil. Money drives us to value little pieces of metal and paper over each other. Yet the whole system of finance and economy is little more than a human construct, where these otherwise worthless items can buy you almost anything. The almighty dollar seems to be the highest status symbol in our society. Have a lot of money and you are idolised; you are a god. You can get away with murder. Have no money and you are a nobody – you have no rights, you become a tool or a plaything of the rich and the powerful. Why is this? When you die, whether you go to heaven or hell, whether you are reincarnated or whether you simply cease to exist, that money isn’t going with you.

2.       The culture of celebrity.

Celebrities take up valuable space in the news. You can see it everywhere. The front page of the Daily Telegraph baring the headline ‘It’s Megan Gale’s birthday!’. Full page spreads on Lady Gaga’s latest outfit. That stupid ‘Entertainment’ section in the paper where people can write in and say they saw Bert Newton’s wigmaker buying a scented candle in the city. Why are we so obsessed with celebrities? What is it that they do? Why does everyone want to be like them? Shouldn’t we be paying more attention to what they are doing, rather than to the person themselves? Shouldn’t we judge a singer not by the clothes they wear but by the heart and soul they pour into their work? Shouldn’t we judge an actor not by how much money they make but by the message of the films they make? And why should we value them and their lifestyle over those around us? We should see these people as just that – people. They are no better or worse than anyone else.

3.       Digitization

We have lost the value of physical entities. My number one bug bare in the digitization of our society is the loss of books. With Kindles and e-readers which can store thousands of books in a single compact item we are losing the joy of being able to flick through pages, feel the leather binding and smell the knowledge of the years. With so many people buying books online we are losing the joy of browsing through bookstores and libraries. But it’s not just books. With social networking available online and through mobile devices we are losing the joy of spending time with people. With the ability to download movies onto our computers and laptops and phones we’re losing the joy of going to the cinema and being amongst people. We care more about what’s on the little electronic device in front of us than what’s happening in the world around us. It’s like holding a faded picture of a plain blue sky, staring at it intently to find some beauty in it, while above us the sky ablaze with a magnificent sunset.

4.       Education

Society needs to be more educated. Not in things like maths and science, but about society and humanity. We need to understand more about other people – the things they suffer through and how to treat them with respect and kindness. We need to learn how to look after our fellow man, and treat them the way we would like to be treated. Too much of our history has been forgotten by current generations. No one I have met under the age of 20 has heard of the Gestapo. How long before all the atrocities of the World Wars are forgotten? Even now such events are just a memory to those who were not directly affected by it. They have become facts rather than events. And if we forget our history and the reasons for past events, then we are doomed to repeat our mistakes.

5.       Individualism

What happened to a sense of community? When my parents were growing up, everyone knew their neighbours. Kids all over the street would play together and when dinner time came they would simply eat at whoever’s house they happened to be in at the time. If it began to rain people would jump the fence and start bringing in their neighbour’s washing. Where did that change? Now most people don’t know their neighbours. Now kids play in their own houses by themselves. Now if you enter your neighbour’s yard without their permission the police are called. It’s so bad that people can die in their homes and their neighbours don’t even notice. We have become a society that puts the self over the community. No longer do we work for the good of the community; rather we work to further our own ambitions and careers. We work to push ourselves ahead, to get ourselves on top. And our fellow man is pushed to one side. We look out only for ourselves at whatever cost.

6.       Litigiousness

We have become a society obsessed with law. Laws are meant to stop us from descending into chaos. But much of the legal system has become little more than the restriction of humanity. Teachers cannot comfort a crying child without fear of losing their job. Bystanders can’t stop and help someone in a medical emergency in case they make things worse and get sued. A man working for a small business who cuts himself carelessly at work can sue the business for all it has. Individuals use the law to lash out at each other, to isolate themselves and to stifle any form of good will. They use it to gain money without any thought for the people on the receiving end. This is no less chaotic than a lawless society.

7.       Secularism

I am not normally one to defend religion. Indeed, I normally point out its flaws. But there is one aspect of religion that I think is very important; its role as a stable moral and ethical guideline, be it Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism or anything. As people turn away from religion they lose a sense of right and wrong. They lose the value systems that have been in place for centuries. Things such as loving thy neighbour. Treating others with love and forgiveness. Universal karma. As we move away from the belief systems which guide our moral behaviour, we lose sight of right and wrong. Without belief in good and evil, there is only chaos.

We need to step back and take a good look at where we are heading. We need to think less of ourselves and our own wealth and desires and think more about others. We need to focus less on the material and more about our society. We should think less about virtual experiences and more about real experiences. We are anchored in a shallow, materialistic culture obsessed with fame and instant gratification. And the sooner we realise this and change it the sooner we can fix our damaged society.

Death of a Lecturer; Episode 3

SCENE 3

INT. ROOM IN THE UNIVERSITY

GREGOR, HARRIET and DAVID are sitting in a deserted classroom. David and Harriet are sitting side by side in the front row, and Gregor is pacing up and down in front of a whiteboard and a projector screen. SERGEANT CONSTABLE is sitting at the back corner with a notebook.

David: (to Harriet). This is rather exciting isn’t it?

(The Inspector stops pacing and slams a fist down on the table).

Gregor: (angrily) Murder is never exciting! It is serious, horrible business that affects people in the most terrible ways! (hysterically) It’s a life altering crime that haunts you for your whole life!

David: (to Harriet) I like this one. He’s weird.

Harriet: (to Gregor) You’ll have to forgive my friend, er…

Gregor: Inspector Gregor.

Harriet: You’ll have to forgive my friend, Inspector Gregor. He’s a few sticks short of… a stick.

Gregor: I see. Make a note of that Sergeant.

Constable: Is that relevant sir?

Gregor: Of course! (addresses the kids). My assistant, Sergeant Constable (indicates Constable).

(Constable inclines his head).

Gregor (con’t): Now, can you both tell me where you were at three p.m. on the day of June the 1^st?

Harriet: (looks at her watch) Umm, unless this only takes a few minutes, in here with you.

(Gregor looks at the clock on the far wall. It is ten minutes to three).

Gregor: Oh. (pauses). Well… I have a few questions about the murder. First…

David: (interrupting) Are they multiple choice?

Gregor: (startled). What?

David: Are they multiple choice?

Harriet: I think you should direct your questions to me Inspector.

Gregor: Of course. Make a note of that Sergeant.

Constable: (looking up from notes) Is that entirely necessary sir?

(Gregor glares at him)

Constabe (cont’d): Very well sir.

Gregor: Now then, Miss…?

Harriet: Johnson. Harriet Johnson.

Gregor: Miss Johnson. When was the last time you saw the deceased alive?

Harriet: Yesterday morning in our lecture.

Gregor: And what lecture was that…?

Harriet: Intro to Journalism.

Gregor: Ah, a journalist. (he visibly recoils). What was today’s class meant to be?

Harriet: The tutorial for yesterday’s lecture.

Gregor: And when did you first notice something was wrong?

Harriet: Well, we were walking back from the lecture theatre after we’d read a note on the door saying classes had been cancelled. And then David saw the lecturer’s car, and he thought...

David: Why thank you.

Harriet: I use ‘thought’ in the broadest sense of the word.  Anyway, he saw the car and thought if her car was here than she must be here, ergo...

Gregor: (expectantly) Go on.

Harriet: (pausing) Err… ergo she must be here?

Gregor: You already said that. (addressing David). So you were walking from the theatre and you saw the lecturer’s car?

David: Actually I saw it this morning.

Harriet: (amazed) And it took you five minutes after we read the note to realise that meant she was here?

David: (pauses). Your point is?

Harriet: (shaking her head). Never mind. I suppose that was rather quick for the grandson of a goat.

Gregor: (confused) What?

Harriet: Never mind Inspector.

Gregor: I see… (pauses). Make a note of that Sergeant.

Constable: (wearily). Of course sir.

(Close up on Constable’s notepad. He is playing naughts and crosses with himself).

Gregor: Do you know if the deceased… what was her name? (yells) Constable!

Constable: Jessica Caine.

Gregor: Thank you. Do you know if Miss Caine…

Constable: (interrupting). Mrs.

Gregor: What?

Constable: (looks up from notes). Mrs Caine.

Gregor: Of course. Make a note…

Constable: (interrupting again). I already have sir.

Gregor: (slaps his hands together) Excellent. Do you know if the deceased had any enemies?

Harriet: None that I know of.

David: (at the same time) Hundreds.

(Gregor, Harriet and Constable look at him)

Gregor: Hundreds?

Harriet: Who?

David: Well, she was a very harsh marker. Liked to fail her students. After that last assessment she wasn’t very well liked.

Harriet: (laughing) That’s ridiculous.

David: You yourself said that you wouldn’t mind finishing her off.

Harriet: (hurriedly). Well, yes that’s what I said. But I meant it metaphorically.

David: How do you metaphorically kill someone?

Harriet: In the same way you can have a post-meditated crime I guess. (she stops. Gregor is staring at the two of them, confused). Apart from a stupid dislike by most of the students I don’t see anyone wanting to murder her, Inspector.

Gregor: Thank you miss. Constable will take your details and if I need you I will get in touch. You will of course be needed for the inquest.

Harriet: Of course Inspector. If I may ask, do you know when she died?

Gregor: Not as yet. We’ll have to wait for the doctor’s report. But in my expert opinion I’d say she died between midnight and 1:00p.m.

(Jump to Harriet and David walking outside the classroom)

Harriet: In other words, today. Some expert opinion. I could have told you that.

David: You did, didn’t you?

(Stops in front of the lecture theatre. The note is still there).

Harriet: (grabbing David roughly by the collar) What were you playing at, telling the Inspector that I said I wanted to kill Caine?

David: Well, he asked me a question and I answered it.

Harriet: Yes, but you could have left me out of it.

David: (hangs his head) Sorry.

Harriet: (remorsefully) That’s ok. (she puts an arm around him) It’s not your fault you have all the intelligence and tact of a llama.

David: (looks at her). Why a llama?

Harriet: I couldn’t think of anything else.

David: Are llamas tactless?

Harriet: (thinks for a moment). They could be, if they could talk. (shakes her head). My God, you are infectious.

David: Is that a compliment?

Harriet: Sure. Why not? Anyway, it doesn’t matter that you told the Inspector that I hated Caine. We’ve figured out the crime must have been premeditated, so it’s unlikely that a student did it.

David: Why?

Harriet: Because a student wouldn’t know what time she’d be getting to uni. It must have been someone who knew her routine.

David: Not necessarily. They could have seen her turn up this morning like I did.

Harriet: I didn’t think of that. That’s very clever of you.

David: Can I have that in writing?

Harriet: (laughs). But there’s another thing that makes it premeditated. The note, remember? It would have been difficult for a student to make up a note saying that classes were cancelled on campus and to put up here after killing Caine without being seen. However, if it was premeditated, they could have made it at home.

David: That’s true, but there’s something wrong.

Harriet: Noticed something else have you?

David: Yes. (walks over to the note.) This edge here. At the top.

Harriet: (examines it). Good god, it’s been torn.

(She begins to look around, spots a bin and starts going through it. She stops and looks at David).

Harriet (cont’d): (angrily) Want to help?

David: No. With two of us doing it, it might look stupid.

(She continues to search)

Harriet: Aha! (brings something out). Look at this.

(She shows him a scrap of paper that says Business Studies. She puts it at the top of the note on the door and it fits.)

David: (reading) Business Studies classes cancelled due to illness. (pauses) So, it was post meditated.