A Sacred Union

Gay marriage.

The two words alone aren’t that terrifying (unless you’re homophobic or a commitment-phobic). But put them together and they somehow become extremely explosive.

I had a discussion about it with my parents today. I want to get married one day. My parents, while not particularly religious (in fact my father is a born again atheist who refuses to cross the threshold of a church for fear of bringing the building down) were brought up in Catholic households in the sixties and seventies. As such they are of the belief that not only is marriage between a man and a woman but that marriage is a purely Christian term, denoting a Catholic sacrament.

My protests that this was merely the origin of the term ‘marriage’, and that the word has since taken on a wholly secular meaning, fell on deaf ears. I have been to a few Christian weddings and (at the risk of offending people all over the globe) they appear to be polygamous unions between a man, a woman and God. In many parts of the world that’s known as ‘bigamy’. Not what I’m into, but who am I to judge?

That’s partially the point. To me a union of this nature seems strange, and not what I think of as marriage. To Christians a union between two men or two women also seems strange and against the idea of marriage. It all depends on what you consider to be ‘marriage’.

And then Dad said; ‘You can get civil unions. You’re just arguing about semantics.’

That shut me up. He was right of course. I’m not quite sure of the exact legal details of a civil union, but I know a marriage celebrant who has performed such unions. So in essence all I was arguing about was whether a civil union could be called a marriage.

By the end of the conversation I could no longer work out what I was arguing, what we were talking about or how in the process I’d been conned into doing the dishes.

I know I like getting up on my high horse from time to time. It’s good to feel like you’re fighting for something. But is really all we’re fighting for the right to a word? It reminds me vaguely of Cadbury and their battle a few years back for exclusive rights to the colour purple.

So what is my point? Should we give up the fight for gay marriage? Of course not! I know a few people who are both gay and religious, and if they want to have a Christian marriage then they should have that opportunity and right without any doubt. But it is always important to remember what it is we’re fighting for. Also, it’s important to know what it is you’re fighting for so you don’t end up trapped in a corner looking foolish and floundering for words.

So I leave you with this; I have heard opponents of gay marriage say that many gay people don’t want to get married, and just use the issue as a way of gaining attention.

Make sure they’re not right. I almost made that mistake.