My friend and I are driving home from work. (Not at the moment; I’m narrating, it adds a sense of excitement and immediacy – this point will soon become ironic). I can’t remember what we were arguing about. Maybe it was the identity of a singer, maybe the name of an actor in a movie. It doesn’t really matter – my friend’s always right. In any case, uselessly attempting to prove myself right I said; “Well, why don’t you look it up?”
He glanced briefly down at his iPhone and said; “I can’t, not while I’m driving!”
I was taken aback. Phones can look up things now? “I meant when you get home!” I protested. “Like in the good old days.”
Do you remember those? Those days when the only way you could find out something you wanted to know was to drive like hell home, switch on the computer and search it up? What about before that, when you had to patiently search through a book for the answers you sort? It wasn’t that long ago people! Even I can remember when I had to do that.
We’ve become a society obsessed with the instantaneous. Everything has to be now, fast, urgent. You can see the evidence everywhere. Take advertising for example. I saw an ad recently for a hand soap tailored specifically for young children. From what I remember the soap was fast acting, and didn’t require much water because, as the overly-friendly woman on the voice over told me; “Children are too busy to wash their hands properly”.
Hmmmm.
If your four year old is too busy to wash their hands then there is something terribly wrong with their time management skills, and yours for that matter.
How about that car ad that we all know and love? The one with the two men speaking in incredibly fast voices (the Volkswagen Polo; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8sI_tXmnhI – it took four people to help me find that ad; perhaps it’s not so well known after all). As you can see, the ad is run in fast motion – you half expect one of them to say ‘Spoken on behalf of the ALP Government, Canberra’ halfway in. The tag is ‘Volkswagen, condensed’.
Why? Why does it need to be condensed? Why does the ad have to be run at a speed which induces head trauma? And what about the line ‘Relaxing is so relaxing’…? Yes, alright… I know it’s meant to be ironic. But it’s scarily accurate. People even relax fast these days!
Take my mum for example. Her idea of relaxing is listening to an audio book while she’s washing the floors and doing other housework. Sometimes she really breaks loose and listens to the radio while she’s working on her uni essays. No Mum. This is not relaxing. Relaxing is when you sit down and do NOTHING! (Of course the irony is I’m guilty of exactly the same thing – except I don’t actually do housework. I replace that in with TV. I can actually watch two things at once; I can fail to relax without even lifting a finger.)
Take my aforementioned friend – or any of my friends for that matter. You’ll be sitting down having a nice relaxing, intimate conversation – perhaps about a song. And suddenly they’ll jump up and say; ‘Just a minute! I’ll show you!’ And out comes the phone, which is connected to the internet, which is connected to Youtube (which is connected, as far as I can make out, to the hip bone) and suddenly the song is there; being played in a crackly, distorted manner out of a tiny speaker on a tiny screen.
Or, to take this further, a question may be raised such as; ‘Where was Princess Diana married?’ or; ‘Who was that actor in such and such a film?’. Out comes the phone again, and up comes dear old Wikipedia (bless it) which has all the answers. Of course if the answer isn’t want you expected it to be you can instantaneously change it too. Isn’t this new age of instant information amazing? Even truth is fluid.
I blame technology. Because of technology information is just too fast, and people expect everything to keep up. Case in point; those automated checkouts at Big W. Can’t be bothered standing in line for ages waiting to talk to a real person? Don’t fear! We have a machine to make it faster!
Am I the only person who talks to those things?
They terrify me sometimes. They’re so cheerful and self-assured. And you can’t argue with them. It’s like being served by Hal, the computer from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Machine: Please scan your items.
Me: Don’t rush me!
Machine: BEEP. 29. Dollars. 98.
Me: But the tag said 18 bucks!
Machine: (more forcefully) 29. Dollars. 98.
Me: Cancel! CANCEL!
Machine: To, cancel purchase, please call assistant.
Me: Aren’t you meant to make things easier?
Machine: Please call an assistant.
Me: Refund! I want a refund!
Machine: (malevolently) I’m afraid I can’t let you do that Sam.
Me: You’re a machine! Don’t talk back!
Machine: 29. Dollars. 98.
Me: Fine. Take my money. Take it all!
Machine: Please take your items.
Me: Stop rushing me!
Machine: (cheerfully) Thank you for shopping at Big W.
Me: Shuddup.
Faster? Yes. Helpful? Not really. A lifeless, mechanical voice trying to make you shop faster? It’s like being ushered out the door by Rob Pattinson.
They’ve even got those machines in grocery stores now. We can check out our own groceries, just in case the checkout persons aren’t fast enough for your liking. You just put your fruit or vegetable on the scales, and select from a long list of possible fruits and vegetables on a screen (this is faster how?) Of course there are drawbacks to this – one comedian said on the radio that he just puts everything through as onions because they’re so incredibly cheap.
It’s enough to make your head spin.
It’s so easy to get caught up in this fast paced world. Everything changes so quickly – technology; information; language; popularity; New South Wales’ premier. Each day we’re bombarded with changing information, fast paced ads, fast paced lifestyles … so much so that it becomes harder to think, to focus, to live… to write coherent blog posts that stick to the subject.
So here’s my advice.
SLOW. DOWN.
Recently I’ve started a new habit. After work, before I go to bed each night, I go for a swim in my pool. I just lay there; floating on my back gazing up at the stars. Then I take a good book and sit in the cool night air on my decking and read. That’s all it takes; just one moment every day where you step out of the fast lane and dip your feet in the calm pond that is life.
For if we all just slowed down a bit, stopped to enjoy our lives, to enjoy living, to enjoy a nice chat with the woman on the checkout, to watch our favourite movie or read our favourite book… Then many of life’s hassles would just fade away.
Peace xx
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