This is an attempt at a script I made many years ago for Script Frenzy. Shall post it episodically.
Enjoy.
Samwise
SCENE 1 - INT. CAFÉ. AFTERNOON
Two young people, a girl and a boy, sitting in a café on a university campus.
The girl HARRIET, is reading a book and drinking coffee. The boy is staring absently into space. They are both sitting at a square table; opposite each other but not facing each other. There are other tables around the café, with other students sitting at them and talking.).
(Long silence)
David: There are too many American shows on television.
Harriet: (without taking her eyes from the book). Of course there are.
(Another long silence).
David: (hesitantly). Too many American movies too.
Harriet: (still reading). Mmmm.
(Yet another silence).
David: I went to the library today, but all the books I needed were gone.
Harriet: (still reading). Mmmm.
(Long silence. Harriet glances cautiously at David, holds her gaze, then looks back to her book.)
David: (suddenly). Do you know what I think?
Harriet: (slams her book shut angrily). Oh for god’s sake, what?!
David: (oblivious). Oh, what book are you reading?
Harriet: (irritated). I don’t know, I haven’t made it past the first sentence yet.
David: Why?
Harriet: Because someone keeps interrupting me.
David: Oh. (pauses). Who?
Harriet: (sighs). You’re not terribly bright, are you?
David: (unfazed). My dad always told me I’m one stick short of… a whole bunch of sticks.
Harriet: (sarcastically). Your dad is wealth of wisdom.
David: Really?
Harriet: (patiently). Do you know what sarcasm is?
David: Of course. It’s a big hole in the ground.
Harriet: I’ve known you for a grand total of two weeks, and without a doubt you are the strangest person I’ve ever met.
David: Why thank you. It’s just like my grandfather always says.
Harriet: What does he say?
David: (stares into space with a vacant expression). Nothing actually. He’s mute.
(Harriet bangs her head on the table in frustration).
David (cont’d): Are you ok?
Harriet: (dryly). Yes. I always hit my head on tables. It’s good for my digestion.
David: (picking up a biscuit). Of course it’s not. Don’t be ridiculous. You know, (bites biscuit), I’m not as dumb as I look.
Harriet: (wearily) David?
David: Yes?
Harriet: You’re eating a coaster.
David: (looks at it). So I am. (puts it down).
Harriet: (muttering) All the intelligence of a gnat.
David: I wouldn’t say anything, Miss ten-minutes-late-to-class.
Harriet: (looks at watch) Oh god. (runs out).
(David looks smug. Harriet re-enters).
Harriet (cont’d): David?
David: Yes?
Harriet: You’re in my class.
(David’s smugness disappears and he runs out past Harriet who shakes her head).
Scene change. Outside lecture theatre. Big sign on door saying; Classes cancelled due to illness.
David: Lecturer must sick.
Harriet: (dryly). Brilliant Holmes. Your astuteness amazes me.
David: (brightly). Thank you.
Harriet: (ignores him). Now what do we do?
David: (pauses). We could run around loose on campus?
Harriet: Why?
David: Whenever I don’t know what to do I run around in circles until I hit something.
Harriet: Do you do this often?
David: (thoughtfully). Strangely enough, yes.
(They begin to walk away from the lecture theatre).
Harriet: Tell me, were you dropped as child?
David: Possibly.
Harriet: Or thrown?
David: (emphatically) Oh, quite possibly.
Harriet: (pauses). Does it offend you that I think you’re so weird?
David: Not at all. Imagine how boring I’d be if I were normal. It’s like my grandfather always says… (he stops). Something isn’t right.
Harriet: What?
(David doesn’t respond but runs back to the lecture theatre followed by Harriet. He enters, then exits abruptly and grabs hold of Harriet).
David: Don’t go in there. Call the police.
Harriet: What for?
David: The lecturer. She’s dead.
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